Prêt-à-Porter, except not

I've procrastinated long enough. It is high time I made a decision about what the hell I'm going to wear to this wedding on Saturday.

Why fret do you ask? Why on earth is this such a difficult decision?

(first I use "ditty" recently and now "fret"? What is WRONG with me?)

Well, for one the problem is that it's me making this decision. I like to make clothing and accessory decisions more difficult than they really should be. But mostly the problem is because there are a few unconventional things to consider:

- the ceremony will be followed by a "Casual BBQ party"
- it is requested that attendees wear "comfy picnic clothes"
- it will be an OUTDOOR event, rain will not cancel
- and even though this bears no significance on what I will wear, I felt it necessary to point out that it is noted in the evite that this will be an "alcohol free family event" so that I can gleam the appropriate amount of sympathy for going to an event where there will be lots of screaming kids and NO ALCOHOL

So, in short, what I am presented with here is: A MAJOR DILEMMA

What the hell do I wear?

I feel very odd about wearing jeans to a wedding. But I almost feel as though I have no choice considering it will be outside and WET. Even if it doesn't rain ON the day in question, it has been raining for like the past 212 days which means everything will be damp.

And what if it does rain? I don't exactly feel excited about hanging around outside wearing a cute spring-y top. So what? Do I go clad in jeans, and a fuzzy sweater? Sport some boots and a rain coat? Hell, why don't I grab myself one of those ponchos they wear to outdoor sporting events when it rains. Maybe I'll paint my face while I'm at it and throw on a big foam finger.

"Hey Bride lady...what are your colors? Yea...I'm painting my face for the wedding and I thought it would be cute if I matched your theme."

(Does one even have colors when they throw a BBQ reception?)

Who the hell plans for an OUTDOOR wedding in early April anyway? Huh? HUH? Ever hear the phrase "April showers brings May flowers"? Yea, funny thing about that saying. They said it because there is usually a good chance we get RAIN in APRIL.

Stupid. This is so frick-frick-FRICKEN stupid.

And NO alcohol.

So even if I end up dressed totally inappropriately, there will be no alcohol to both sooth my annoyance and warm me from within.

And the kids? Oh my god, there will be swarms of them. And half of which have all kinds of developmental disorders...

And no alcohol.

Did I mention that part?