Where did all the good ones go?

As we have already discussed, moving offices brings about change. There's the different surroundings, the new commute, serene blue stripes, different places to eat. But what I did not touch upon was my change in gym.

Because who the hell cares?

So I have to go to a different Gold's gym now on my lunchbreak. Whoop. De. Do.

Well now I have a story to tell about it.

So now you're going to care. That's how this works.

It was just an average day on Friday. I made my way over to my new Gold's at lunchtime like usual. I pull my car into a spot and out of the corner of my eye I see some guy walking by. I think nothing of it. I open my door and I hear him say something. Confused that he's talking to me because I do not KNOW him I make the mistake of looking right AT him.

For those of you who may not understand why this was a mistake...making eye contact with random people in a Gold's gym parking lot is a BAD thing. There are weird freaks that workout there. To elaborate, Gold's is a non-family gym. It's where a lot of serious weight lifters work out. These are the actual reasons why I go there - no kids running around and if by some chance I want assistance with weights there is usually someone big and strong and more than happy to help. But it also means there are CRAZIES there. The ones that are break-out dancing in the middle of the gym floor to their headphones. The nutjobs that wear black-out liner under their eyes (a-la football linebacker) when there isn't a blazing sun in sight (oddly enough there is a roof and walls on the building to fix that problem). There are the cornrows, the guys wearing matching outfits, and the thong bathing suits worn on the outside of the spandex shorts. On men.

And occasionally there are the muscle heads who's muscles squeak when they move and like to sit in front of a mirror (in PLAIN sight of everyone) just flexing their muscles. Over and over. and over.

Flex (Squeak!)

...fleeeeeex (sqeeeeeeak!)

So I usually avoid the eyeball locking in the parking lot - a common location for weird things to happen.

But I did by accident. If was Friday ok? I was in a good mood. Off my game. Let my guard down.

And because I made eye contact with this guy he repeated his question which apparently really was intended for me.

RandomGuy: I've never seen you here before - do you normally workout here?

He walks closer and I quickly note that he's one of THOSE guys. The kind that can't stand still for more than 2 seconds.

Me: Uhhhh, not usually - my office just moved so now this is my local gym.

This is suspiciously heading in the "I'm a trainer here and would like to give you my card" direction.

Shifty McShifterson (formally RandomGuy): Ah! So you work here now!

So he thinks I work AT the gym now?

Me: Uhhhhh, no...I work nearby...

Shifty (clearly not listening): What's your name?

Me (hesitantly): Mary

Shifty: Hi Mary, I'm Andre!

Insert sales pitch here.

Shifty: Wow, you're really cute! Can I get your phone number? Would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?

HUH?
1. He wastes NO time
2. Totally did NOT see this coming.
3. Mental note: absolutely under no circumstances make eye contact in gym parking lot again. Must work on aloof, autistic-esque, introverted toe-staring at all times.

Me: Um, yeeeeeeeeaaaaa - I'm married. But thanks anyway.

Must get away!

Shifty: You're married?

Like he's going to talk me out of it?

Me: Yea.

Can this be over now?

Shifty: Aw man! See what's up with that? All the good ones are taken! How's a guy like me supposed to find a good one if all of 'em are taken!?

Ok, first of all - you have determined I'm one of the "good" ones by finding out that I work in the area and my name is mary? Secondly...

what does that make YOU Mr. Shifty?

Me: Yea, good luck with that.

And I walk away - staring at my toes.

A real charmer that one was. Wonder why he has problems with the ladies.

On a side note.

Do any of you subscribe to the theory that if you step onto the scale slowly that maybe you'll get a lower number? Like maybe if you do it slowly it won't notice you got on? Or if you get on it too fast and abrupt that you'll send it sailing WAY past your true weight and the needle will get stuck - giving you some horrible answer?

Because I totally do.