Thursday, March 30, 2006

Prêt-à-Porter, except not

I've procrastinated long enough. It is high time I made a decision about what the hell I'm going to wear to this wedding on Saturday.

Why fret do you ask? Why on earth is this such a difficult decision?

(first I use "ditty" recently and now "fret"? What is WRONG with me?)

Well, for one the problem is that it's me making this decision. I like to make clothing and accessory decisions more difficult than they really should be. But mostly the problem is because there are a few unconventional things to consider:

- the ceremony will be followed by a "Casual BBQ party"
- it is requested that attendees wear "comfy picnic clothes"
- it will be an OUTDOOR event, rain will not cancel
- and even though this bears no significance on what I will wear, I felt it necessary to point out that it is noted in the evite that this will be an "alcohol free family event" so that I can gleam the appropriate amount of sympathy for going to an event where there will be lots of screaming kids and NO ALCOHOL

So, in short, what I am presented with here is: A MAJOR DILEMMA

What the hell do I wear?

I feel very odd about wearing jeans to a wedding. But I almost feel as though I have no choice considering it will be outside and WET. Even if it doesn't rain ON the day in question, it has been raining for like the past 212 days which means everything will be damp.

And what if it does rain? I don't exactly feel excited about hanging around outside wearing a cute spring-y top. So what? Do I go clad in jeans, and a fuzzy sweater? Sport some boots and a rain coat? Hell, why don't I grab myself one of those ponchos they wear to outdoor sporting events when it rains. Maybe I'll paint my face while I'm at it and throw on a big foam finger.

"Hey Bride lady...what are your colors? Yea...I'm painting my face for the wedding and I thought it would be cute if I matched your theme."

(Does one even have colors when they throw a BBQ reception?)

Who the hell plans for an OUTDOOR wedding in early April anyway? Huh? HUH? Ever hear the phrase "April showers brings May flowers"? Yea, funny thing about that saying. They said it because there is usually a good chance we get RAIN in APRIL.

Stupid. This is so frick-frick-FRICKEN stupid.

And NO alcohol.

So even if I end up dressed totally inappropriately, there will be no alcohol to both sooth my annoyance and warm me from within.

And the kids? Oh my god, there will be swarms of them. And half of which have all kinds of developmental disorders...

And no alcohol.

Did I mention that part?

Thursday, March 23, 2006

It's a superb product actually

Ok, so apparently Junket is not a commonly known desert item.

I've gotten a couple "what the fuck is Junket?" comments since my last post.

Well, it's yumminess basically. It's a tasty little treat that my grandmother used to make every day as a snack for my sister and I.

Back when technically having a "desert" for an afternoon snack was considered not only acceptable but downright typical. Gotta miss those days. Having desert for a snack nowadays may be typical for most American kids, however it is looked upon shamefully and with disgust considering the Nation's issue with childhood obesity.

You know what? To that I say make them run their little asses around for a while occasionally - you're not going to stay a healthy weight sitting on your duff playing Grand Theft Auto 27 all day long.

And there I go with the digressing already.

So! Junket!

Observe how overtly dedicated the manufacturer has stayed to maintaining their level of marketing trendiness:

And their website only backs me up on this even more.

Yes, people. We apparently still reside in the 70's.

So yes, Junket does still in fact exist - much to my pleasure.

I shall have to locate it and make some. It appears I may have to actually order it online as I have not noticed it gracing many grocery store shelves in my area.

And to answer the question "what the fuck is Junket?", according to the website it's a:

"Superb product that can be used to prepare various delightful desserts for the whole family to enjoy!"

Wee fun! It makes me want to go right out and have a superbly delightful experience with my whole family!

But more specifically it's these little tablets that looks like pills - and when you add them to scalded milk they dissolve and by means that can only be explained by using words such as "magic!" and "miraculously!" the milk solidifies into a sweet custard-y likeness. The kind that reminds me of He-Man and She-Ra, Smurfs, and all the other fabulous 80's shows that came on between the hours of 3pm and 5pm, Monday through Friday.

And there we have it.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Layered gelatinous substance known as...

Jello 123?


Ring any bells?

Jello 123 is one of those things that I am aware existed. The name itself does not register ignorance or stupification on my part.

(I mean, a lot of things do, so when something does not render me stupified I consider it cause for cheering and lots of celebration)

However, this past weekend it was made clear to me that while I am familiar with this little diddy from the past - I had NO IDEA what the hell it was or, most importantly, DID.

(Did I just say "diddy"?)

People - it is a magically layered gelatinous desert that is made just like jello. Only it's layered? Layers people! It's fancy, and different, and I apparently had no idea that such a fanciness ever existed.

Not until I was digging through our pantry and discovered 2 faded pink little boxes that had obviously been designed by marketers living in the 80's.

My Husband, you see...he had these from who knows how long ago. And they have just sat in our pantry all this time, untouched, unblended, unLAYERED.

Naturally I was curious. I was dubious, in fact, that I was somehow familiar with this product, but had no clue what the product was or did.

(This is, as it turns out, how I recall most of the 80's. Vague recollection, many familiarities, but limited memories or actual knowledge of what things existed or how they worked)

So I got out the blender.

And I followed the directions very carefully - not wanting to mess with the magic.

And as I poured the frothy jello like fluid into cups...there was layering.


They were layering all on their own.

There was no intervention on my part required. They merely layered into 3 separate layers, one red, one pink, and one white.

I'm thinking that's where the "123" comes into play. I could be wrong, but I have a strong suspicion.

Poof! Magic!

(like how I'm now inserting my thoughts amongst my blogging?)

And then my husband goes and Google's "jello 123" and discovers that Jello is no longer manufacturing the delightful little product due to "limited interest" on the consumer's part.

To that I say "balk!" and "Scoff!" and "WHATEVER!".

Are the "consumer's" aware of the magical layering? Because it seems obvious to me that perhaps if Jello were more clear about this in their marketing of the product then perhaps the "limited interest" would become "well received by the public" and then I would be able to buy this stuff whenever I wanted to.

(I mean, it's not like I'm not already just thinking out, what else is blogging if it's not thinking out loud?)

But now I can probably only acquire this stuff off of ebay. Which I'm not inclined to do considering how skeptical I was at using our own box given how old it was. Why would I want to buy someone else's ancient Jello product that has god only knows what kind of insects nesting in it?

(and now I'm just distracting you from some pretty scintillating contemplation on my part)

So I'll just make up the last box with a heavy heart, knowing that it will be the last Jello 123 I will ever consume. Perhaps even document the experience.

Maybe I'll start reviving old deserts from the 70's and 80's.

Next week we will be discussing Junket.

Wait. Does anyone know if you can still buy Junket?